Have you lost your mind?

Tell me when you think we've crossed the line

No more drugs for me

Pussy and religion is all I need

Grab my hand and

Baby, we'll live a hell of a life

- Kanye West, "Hell of a Life"

Tonight for the first time I began seriously to consider the possibility that I might benefit from medication.

I had this article to write, a fairly simple profile of a local political candidate, and I just could not focus. For hours I sat at the computer, stood up, thought about writing the article and was filled with dread, cleaned the kitchen more thoroughly than I have in weeks, listened to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, checked Twitter and Facebook and Tumblr a thousand times, skimmed some blogs...and it’s almost one a.m. and I’m still not done.

Also, I’m not working this week (transitioning between temp assignments), and I’ve been reasonably productive as far as freelancing and applying for full-time jobs, but I could have and should have been so much more productive. Every morning my alarm went off and then I hit the snooze button and dozed on and off for another two hours, hating myself but unable to summon the willpower to get up and get going.

And like, I don’t feel depressed or manic. Not that I would know. But I am getting more acquainted with bipolar disorder lately, and I think that, plus wise words from a variety of friends, has made me more receptive to the ideas of therapy and medication lately. Like, maybe I don’t have to constantly struggle to get out of bed in the morning, maybe I don’t have to push myself through feelings of apathy and self-doubt to get even the simplest piece of writing done. OR maybe I do, maybe I just need to grow up and learn that adults work for a living and get shit done around the house and save money and return library books on time and exercise and eat something besides cookies for lunch.

What do you think? Drugs? Counseling? Old-fashioned Protestant-work-ethic getting the fuck over it?