Talkin' talkin' talkin' talk

Baby, let's just knock it off

They don't know what we been through

They don't know 'bout me and you

- Kanye West, "Heartless"

Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.

- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

You know how the fact that communication is essential to a good relationship is one of the most common(-sense) ideas out there? And yet is still hard to apply?

It's amazing how much clarity and contentment can come just from having an open conversation with a loved one. Even if it's uncomfortable and emotional in the moment, working through those feelings and coming to a shared conclusion is ultimately rewarding and invigorating. I feel so much better today than I did last week at this time, and I think a lot of it is just the catharsis of being honest.

Last week, for example, I don't think I'd have been as inspired as I was by this quote from Psychology Today that I saw on Tumblr: "Important as it is to choose the right partner, it's probably more important to be the right partner. We focus on changing the wrong person."

It felt so good to get things out in the open with one person that I know I need to do it with other people, too. But initiating the conversation isn't easy. Neither is apologizing. A couple of weeks ago, I glibly called my grandma a racist on Twitter (in my defense, she had made some pretty racist comments). She saw it and sent me an angry e-mail; I sent a couple of brief, contrite replies and haven't heard anything since. The logic of good communication and my mom both suggest that I should give her a call, reach out, not let this rift fester. But I'm still reluctant to do so.

I know, too, that as good as it is to talk about things, that must be supported by actions. As that Psychology Today quote suggests, I must do my part to be a better person and invest my time and energy in my relationships. I have changes to make in my life in general. I need to be making more of it, learning more, doing more, meeting more people and making a greater effort to be productive and positive.

I was already thinking those things, and then a conversation with a near-stranger over dinner last night made me long to improve myself, to be the change I want to see in the world. Before she'd even gotten around to challenging me to push myself, she talked about the fact that peacemaking and -keeping must begin on a personal level. We can't strive for political and international peace if we don't have it in our own relationships with our families and friends and lovers (or ex-lovers).

It's funny; that reminds me of a hymn I remember singing at my grandma's church when I was little: "Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me."